Missing friends

A few weeks ago a 2 year anniversary passed for me. An anniversary I wont ever forgot, a weekend that will always be imprinted in my heart.  Three friends passed away within days of each other from some form of cancer!

One I honestly didn't know well, she was a family friend on my husbands side. Her mother hemmed my wedding dress, helped with food at our wedding but I had only meet her maybe twice. My heart aches often for her Mom, her husband and mostly her son.

Lisa, oh sweet Lisa. I didn't know her long, I meet her through my Bible Study group. I still remember the first day I met her. My mind immediately focused on the bandages, her thinning hair and her amazing smile! I knew she was sick but at the time wasn't really sure from what. As I begin to get to know her I saw how strong she was, what a fighter she was and her love for Christ! I joined in around her during a prayer circle with 20 or so of her closest friends; It was one of the most beautiful moments I have EVER experienced!  I will always remember that smile.

I saved Tanya for last because it hurts the most. I wasn't the friend I should have been. I didn't do the things a friend should have done, I didn't hug her often enough, I didn't let her know I loved her. She never knew I admired her or that I thought she was awesome.  When we found out she had cancer she was in the hospital but was getting released.  We promised to go visit her  after she settled back in... we never made it there. When we talked to them about a week later she had already passed. It was the worst feeling I had ever felt. I heard stories of how she preached until she took her last breath! She spoke of Jesus and all His glory her last few days! I miss her quirkiness, I miss her smile, I miss her freckles.  I miss her.

We are undeserving...

Often times in life things just fall perfectly in to place! We never imaged that God would be so good to us and that this new job would be such a blessing!

I am going to try and make this as simple as possible! In order for B to be a full time employee he has to get a towing endorsement.  To get this an examiner has to check off that you know how to perform certain "duties," it typically takes several months! It was our understanding that it was be at least 6months if not longer before and examiner would be available for him.  Well, like I said, God is good to us, he called on a Thursday to inform them he was ready to start part time (basically as a sub if someone called in) and on Friday they called back telling him that they had an examiner ready and waiting for him! It was a huge weight lifted off our shoulders! Sometimes I really don't think we deserve all the awesome blessings that God gives to our family!

As far as the new schedule it's only 4days gone then 4days home! In the long run its still the same amount of time home and gone as before but diffidently more manageable! Not to mention the fact that I can call his cell phone if I just need to chat and we are no longer rushing right before he leaves to "get everything done"! Life has changed for us, I can feel our marriage starting to grow, the kids are much happier and we are happier!  Life is good.

I laughed and have said SEVERAL times about how I no longer have to fix a toilet (it can wait 4days), I no longer grocery shop with the kids, I don't have to camp alone anymore or give the dog a bath or cut the grass or hang something on the wall... my list seems to keep growing on the things I no longer HAVE to do!

My world is whole again...

Cha cha changes!

Only 1 week left... So exciting! What a crazy CRAZY past few months! We have survived and we are ready to start our new book! I have decided we aren't just starting a new chapter in life we are SLAMMING that book closed and starting a new one! We are so excited for our new journey to begin! It will be one of the hardest paths we will ever take but we know that we have God on our side!

What does this mean for us? BWard's new schedule will now be 4days gone 4days home! Essentially it will still be the same amount of time spent gone (1/2 the year) but since he will just be on the ship channel he will be closer to home if we need him and we will be able to communicate much easier! The pay will change as well but we have paid off almost all of our debt, which totally rocks, so we are hoping that it all evens out! We are just so thrilled for what this means for our marriage, our children, our life. We know that there are bigger things to come for us and this is just the beginning! YAY for changes!

On a side note... We had Muffins with Mom at School the other day and this is the poem that Tan Man made for me and 2 pics from that day as well!

My Mother's Day Poem

You're as sweet as chocolate.

I like the way you put Cole in bed because he never falls asleep when he's supposed to.

You remind me of a giraffe because of your long tongue.

With you I feel good.

You're happy like a mammal.

You are special to me becuase you go get fun toys like a camera to skype with.

I love you, Mommy!

30 before 30

This year I TURN 30!!! I can't believe it! I think about all the things I have already done in my life and the things I still have yet to try! A few months ago I made a list of 30things to do this year! I am slowly working on them (because of BWard being gone all the time)! I have decided that I really need to "publish" my list so that maybe a few friends out there will push me to finish it! BUT there is NO laughing allowed. :) And I have a few blanks because I thought surely I will come up with something as I go! SOME of these are off of my life list as well! Red comments are what I have just added! So here it is....

30 things to do before I turn 30

1. Sky Diving (I think I am chickening out of this one!)

2. Go ATLEAST waist deep into the ocean (and stay there-YIKES!)

3. loose 30lbs (or more) (at 14 lbs!!! WHOOP!)

4. Go hiking in the mts.

5. Learn the Thriller Dance

6. Get a pedicure (hate my feet being touched!)

7. Read the whole Bible

8. Do 30 acts of kidness (or more) (This is something I haven't counted and dont plan to it was more of something I need to write down to remind myself!)

9. Give up Soda

10. Try 30 NEW recipes (at 15!)

11. Start on both boys baby books

12. Visit a Winery

13. Run a 10K -Completed in NOLA on April 23 @ Cresent City Classic

14. Run a Marathon (well more like a half) (It will actually be soon after my 30th in Nov. but its getting done!)

15. Take a dance class (Salsa anyone?)

16. Volunteer more in 'soup kitchens'

17. Camp on the beach

18. Plant a tree

19. Create a family tree

20. Play tennis (took a college class want to get back into it)

21. learn MORE Spanish AND Sign Language

22. Go Horseback riding (have not been in YEARS)

23. Sleep under the stars (no tent)

24. Let my Husband teach me to sail

25. Go FLY FISHING! (ALWAYS have wanted to do this)

26.

27. Write a childrens book (This was on one of my orginal ‘to do’ I wonder if I still have it in me….)

28. Start a Non-Profit (crazy, I know)

29.

30. Throw a serious 30 PARTY!

Week 8

As you can see we have survived the 6week mark! Amazingly I am still going strong! This is the first time I actually sat down and counted how long he has been gone, I think that has helped!

God knew just what we needed, like always, and the 6week mark was actually our Spring Break! It started out that we were going to head to NOLA, ASAP, and spend the week with my Gmaw! She is so awesome and I should write a WHOLE blog just on her! At some point we changed our minds and decided to head to Austin to buy a camper! YUP, you read that right! I bought a camper!

My in-laws were there to help me out! I got to the place were the camper was (East side of Austin) and the guy decided to tell us then that he didn't have the title! Well, we weren't going to buy it if we couldn't get the title! We ended us spending the night at Bs Aunt Donna and Uncle Rays house and the next day headed towards San Antonio because my in-laws had a funeral to attend! We decided we would just follow them around for a few days! That evening the Austin Camper guy called us to tell us he now had the title! Two kids, two grandparents and I headed back towards Austin and bought our camper! Super excited!

F.R.O.G.

Most of you reading this already know that my husband works off shore. Short story is that we met in college and I knew then that this would be our life. I have never been "afraid" of it or "worried" or whatever you want to call it! It is what it is. We married in Jan of 2005 (still in school) had Tanner Dec 2005 and by the next Feb he had finished school and started working off shore, 28days on 28 off. Its just the life we have always had! I finished school with Tanner while he worked offshore! I look back and wonder, "How in the world did I do that?!?!" It was hard, and there were times I think I said, "Thats it, I am done." BUT 5 years later its safe to say I am a pretty strong gal because of it! I am pretty independent, I have to play Mommy and Daddy half the year so it makes you not so "girly" and you do things that Dads are "supposed" to do! I have thought about how single Moms handle things, my heart breaks for them. I only do it half the time, they are full on everything, all the time, to everyone! Praying for all single Moms out there! (Love you Steph!)

This time out he is going for 3months! 3MONTHS! YIKES! I really am having a hard time wrapping my head around it! I am calm (considering) at this point but I worry about the 6week mark! We have done 6weeks in the past and I know that it's my breaking point. I am trying to do things now to prepare myself for that time! Like writing in my blog! I am hoping that it's my way to vent or to share things that I am going through!! The good news is that at the end of the 3months we are hoping to have most of our debt paid off AND the BIGGEST news is that we are hoping for a job change! Its time. We are ready for it and our family is ready for it! Our marriage is ready for it! The change will be hard, mainly because of the pay cut but I know that God will provide for us! He always does.

I TRY to F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely on God). Sometimes that is hard to do! I think a lot of times we just lean on Him. We don't really tend to let Him carry us, so to speak. Its human nature to want to take control and not let it go. I think I am slightly fearful of this! I know at some point in the next 3months I will have to let go and let Him carry me through it! I like having control over the things I know I can control because there are too many things in this world we CANT control! The last few days I keep going back to the "Footprints" poem and funny enough someone brought it up in my Bible Study this morning! LOVE how God throws things at you like that! I will KEEP reminding myself that He wants to carry us and He wants us to want to be carried! So here I am Lord! TAKE ME, CARRY ME! :) No, really.

All that being said, I really do feel a shift in myself coming. The last few months I have trying to find ways to change! I know my weaknesses and thats the first step right? I like to think I am pretty honest with myself about it too! I wish I was more openly honest about it, so that I could be kept accountable for my actions when I failed. I need someone in my life to say, "You screwed up!" Sounds harsh but so true! I think we all need someone like that! That would be a true friend. I am hoping with this change I learn to stop trying to control things and to let God take over and "carry" us through all the changes in our house too!

One weakness that I will share is that I, all too often, blame having young kids on my lack of serving God! One of the most enjoyable things for me is to feed people. I have in the past served at soup kitchens, served breakfast to the poor and one of my MOST favorite moments in my ENTIRE LIFE was making sandwiches for people after Hurricane IKE and Tanner and I drove around passing them out to anyone and everyone we could find that would need them! We also made spaghetti and seriously had like a small kitchen of food out of my friends suburban and drove around serving it! Its just that "thing" God gave me! I think everyone has a "thing"! Mine is serving food! To me food doesn't just nourish your body it nourishes your soul! Its gave so many people after IKE that feeling of, "It's going to be all right"! Plus what an awesome way to start THAT conversation! T would say, "Do you need a sandwhich?" They would answer and as they would get what they wanted he would say, "Did you know God loves you?" Thats my Tan, he would preach to anyone that would listen! What an example of how a disciple should look! He teaches me something new everyday! Love that kid!

Here is Day 2 of B being gone! So far only a few minor "Ward" moments! My prayers are for me to let go, for my children and I to be safe and safety for all Brandon's crazy travels! I miss him already.